The Diary of Danger Duck
by cat2772
Summary: The diary I am writing in now has the most awful, pink, blonde, thing on the front cover. Her name is 'Barbie' or something ridiculous like that. But let me start from the beginning. Dear diary...
1. Introduction

**The Diary of Danger Duck-chapter one**

The diary I am writing in now has the most awful, pink, blonde, _thing _on the front cover. Her name is 'Barbie' or something ridiculous like that. I asked Lexi if I could exchange with her (hers has a nice forest-green cover) but she refused to exchange. Typical girl.

But let me start from the beginning.

Dear diary,

My name is Danger Duck and I am the fastest, smartest, strongest and most handsome of the Loonatics.

Well, maybe I exaggerate a little. Rev is a_ bit _faster than me, Tech is _slightly _smarter, Slam is just a _smidgeon _stronger, but I _am _the handsomest (though Ace thinks otherwise). Who are the Loonatics, you may ask? We are a group of six super heroes who save the world blah blah blah. Now, onto something much more interesting...

This morning Zadavia called in and told- well, _ordered_- us all to start keeping a "diary of our successes, missions and achievements". I personally think it's a rather ridiculous idea and felt like telling her so, but we're not meant to argue with the Boss Lady. But seriously, what's the point of writing stuff down when you can just remember it?

Well, Rev rushed out to the shops and came back with six diaries. Of course, the other five (beastly things that they are) rushed forward and had their pick of the diaries, leaving _me _with this hideous, horrible, putrid, 'Barbie' _thing_! Oh well. Now that I've started writing in it, I guess I can't exchange.

The others have taken to writing with enthusiasm. Lexi and Ace are thinking aloud. They're writing about all their powers. Rev is writing at a lightning speed, Slam is writing slowly in huge, messy letters, and Tech is drawing invention designs.

What do I think of the other Loonatics? Well, I guess I like them as friends, but for some reason we're always getting on each other's nerves. Ace can be _very _bossy out on the field, and gets angry when I contradict him. But he's also saved me more times than I can count, so I guess I can't complain (a pity, as complaining is what I do best).

Lexi's pretty friendly, although she can be _such _a suck up to Ace. Really, it makes me sick to watch sometimes. And Tech can be described in one word: _NERD_! But then, his inventions can be pretty cool, and have saved our lives on missions, but really, that coyote needs to get a life.

Rev talks so fast that sometimes my brain (often the others ask if I actually have one, the beasts) feels like exploding. And Slam is fat and stupid and greedy, but (like all the others) is very handy on missions, and I'm probably closer to him than to any of the others.

What do the others think of _me? _I guess they think I'm annoying and uppity, considering their constant teasing, jibes, laughter at my expense and apparent amazement whenever I say something smart or useful. Ace also takes great delight in the fact that, as he's the leader, he's allowed to order me around, and I have to do what I'm told. But I get the impression that we're more 'friendly rivals' rather than 'downright enemies'.

But despite all that, I think the other five care about me. They seem genuinely concerned if I get injured on a mission, and never say anything _really _hurtful, it's more friendly jabs.

Geez, these last few paragraphs have been _really _suckish and sappy. I hope all this diary writing stuff isn't turning me all soft and girly.

On a completely different note, the weather's been unusually hot today... maybe there's an evil villain up in space shining a giant heat ray on Acmetropolis... Or maybe there's going to be a huge drought and the whole world will become a shrivelled desert! Or maybe the polar ice caps will melt and sea levels will rise so high everyone will have to climb mountains to survive!

Nah, it's probably just a very, _very _hot summer.

Well, I'm starting to go on and on randomly now, so I'll guess I'll stop.

Till I write again!

Danger Duck.

_____

_Please review!_


	2. Loonatics on Ice

_Thank you to Truth of Barricade, SoullessAce, Starwing Bravo, Yunno, Phasmidfan, PurpleGirly, Cool Jay and m-eleven10 for reviewing._

_And especially thank you to Phasmidfan for proof-reading this chapter._

**The Diary of Danger Duck-chapter two**

Dear diary,

We just got back from a successful mission. I'm going to write all about it (and of course, I'll also be writing about the major role I played in the mission's success, how heroic I was and how we couldn't have won without me).

The other day I wrote about how hot the weather was. Well this morning it was _scorching_! It was, seriously, so hot that it was impossible for me to go outside without becoming deep-fried duck. So, naturally, I stayed indoors. As a matter of fact, I was trying out new names. 'Danger Duck' is _so _plain and boring, I was thinking that something like 'Super Duper Duck', 'Dazzling Duck', or 'The Duckanator' would be a lot more intimidating and effective.

Anyway, there I was, admiring my attractive super-hero physique in a mirror. The room was nice and cool, with all the air conditioners turned on. Ace was meditating in the corner, and Tech and Rev were babbling on and on about pizza or something. Then, Tech did the most awful thing. He offered me some of that horrible, processed, fatty pizza! You could _see_ the oil and trans-fat dripping off the greasy slice that he held up to me. It was _disgusting_! Anyway, I declined the pizza and told him, "You can't be flabby when you're _The Duckanator_!!!" And then Ace had the cheek to question my choice of name, saying that yesterday I was calling myself Super Duper Duck.

As I told Ace, that name was too long, complicated, and wasn't rolling off the tongue. Oh, by the way diary, I'm thinking about asking Zadavia if we can add a cape to the costume. It really looks a lot more heroic, and I can just imagine myself standing on the edge of a cliff, one foot atop a defeated enemy, my cape billowing in the wind...

Anyway, Ace made a very un-funny joke about how my name should be simply 'Duck', and then Lexi came in and told us that Slam was coming. And that is where the trouble started. Slam burst through the doors half frozen, with icicles hanging off his arms. Of course, I was completely confuzzled. I mean, it was a boiling hot day, and Slam was covered in ice.

Then Zadavia appeared and said, "Loonatics, we have a problem." And Ace said, "You're right Zadavia. I'd say we have a serious problem." Talk about stating the obvious! We could all see out the window; Acmetropolis had gone from being scorching hot to being covered in ice! For that is what had happened. A giant ice berg had appeared and everything it touched was instantly frozen solid. I must say, however, that it was an improvement to the terrible heat. The temperature was nice and cool.

Anyhow, we all sat down around the table and Zadavia told us that she didn't know how the iceberg got here and she didn't have to tell us what would happen if the temperature kept dropping. For a moment I was seriously worried. I voiced my fears, saying, "I knew it. We're going to lose cable again." Zadavia looked pretty annoyed, and said, "Maybe I do have to tell _you_. The planet could be facing a new Ice Age." I was quite embarrassed with my mistake. Well how was _I _to know that there was gonna be another Ice Age? And it was perfectly reasonable for me to think we'd lose cable, because that's what usually happens when the weather gets cold. Zadavia's always picking on me for no reason. It's not fair. I think she has something against me.

Anyway, Lexi made some comment about how winter sweaters make her look fat. You know, that's what really annoys me about Lexi. The world's in danger and she's worried about her appearance. To be honest, I usually care about how I look too, but not at critical moments, not at times like this. She can really annoy me sometimes.

After a bit more chatter about how this could be the effect of the meteor, Ace said, "I bet Tech has a few toys we can use." And then Tech said in a rather annoyed voice, "Excuse me Chief, but they aren't toys! They're precision hand crafted something-or-others." Hahah! It was hilarious! Well at least to me it was hilarious, because Ace was being humiliated!...sort of. Well I guess it wasn't really humiliation, but I still found it funny. I quite enjoy watching other people's humiliation. It's one of my hobbies. I guess it's pretty mean of me, but everyone else seems to find it funny when I get embarrassed. People seem to have something against me. It's weird.

Well then Tech showed us his precision hand crafted something-or-others. They were called the Retro Fire something somethings. You squeeze it twice and it becomes a big gun thingy. Then Slam dropped his and stepped on it and everything went chaotic for a while. Slam can be so clumsy. Ace laughed at him. I reckon that Ace thinks that because he's the leader he's allowed to laugh at us, but we get busted if _we _laugh at _him_! It's so unfair! If I was leader, I would make a rule that no one is allowed to laugh at anyone else, regardless of whether they're leader or not. Anyway, Ace said his customary "Let's jet!" and we all ignited our jet packs and began our mission.

So, we all began to fly towards the giant ice berg, Rev babbling on and on as usual. In fact, he was so busy talking that he almost crashed into the ice berg. We set our blasters on thaw and fired at the big glacier. But nothing happened. Really, I expected Tech to provide us with better quality weapons. These were utterly useless. After a few moments wasted firing those pieces of junk at the ice, Ace called for us to cease fire, then he ordered Slam to spin around the iceberg and melt it.

The others seemed to be in awe of Slam's amazing ice-melting skills, and I decided it was time that the spot light turned back onto _me_. So I said, "Glorified Zamboni (notice my witty choice of words). Chipping ice isn't a super power. _Quacking _is a super power. Observe." And then I gave them the privilege of watching my super-awesome quacking skills, as I teleported right inside the iceberg.

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to quack _inside_ that giant ice cube. It was _freezing _in there, and I mean _freezing_, as in, so utterly cold that it was just...freezing. But, still my smart and witty self, I managed to croak out, "Okay, you can stop observing now." See how I manage to keep my amazingly funny sense of humour, even in the most dire straits? But a few seconds later, Slam spun around the ice berg and I was released.

Slam stopped spinning once most of the ice berg was melted. The temperature was back above freezing. For a moment I thought that the mission was over and we had saved the world (again), but then Lexi said that she could hear something. "Perhaps a high pitched dog whistle?" I commented. See how funny and humorous I am? The others never appreciate my jokes. It's unfair. If Ace or Rev makes a joke, everyone laughs, but when I say something funny, noooo, they go all quiet and give me weird looks. It makes me feel so left out...

Anyway, as I was saying, Lexi could hear something. She's lucky, having that super-hearing power. I'd like a power like that. Sometimes I see Ace and Lexi glancing at me and muttering at each other. I'm sure they're gossiping about me, or plotting against me, or something like that. I'd love to hear what they're saying. Oh, I know what you're thinking, diary: aren't I happy with my own super powers? Well the quacking is cool, but sometimes I wish I had a really _aggressive _power, like Ace's laser vision, instead of being able to throw paint and egg and tomato sauce all over baddies. Although I suppose I can throw fire too...

But back to the mission. Suddenly the ice berg split open, and out came... GIANT ICE VIKINGS! Dun dun dun! Although to be honest they weren't very frightening. Even though they were armed with axes and swords... Danger Duck was _not _scared!

"Boy, are you guys lost." Said Ace. I think he was trying to make a joke. You see, compare my 'high pitched dog whistle' joke with Ace's pathetic 'are you guys lost'. It is quite evident that _my _joke was superior. Ace thinks he's funny, but he's not. His smart comments are quite annoying. But, as usual, everyone laughs at him, and not at me. Sheesh.

"I am Gunnar!" bellowed the lead Viking. What a random name. Gunnar. Gun. Nar. Gunnar. Some of the enemies we come across have really weird names. Actually, lately I've been wondering what the 'E' in Tech's name stands for. He's never told me. Tech E. Coyote. I don't know if it's something weird like 'Egghead' or something sophisticated like 'Edmund' or something plain like 'Edward'. Or maybe it's something long and complex like 'Eirenaios' or something old fashioned like 'Eisenbart'. It could even be something plain like 'Eric' or something foreign-sounding like 'Essien'. Or maybe it's from a movie or video game! Tech Elrond Coyote. Tech Eggman coyote. Tech Eragon Coyote...

Back to the point, the Viking introduced himself, then Ace made another very un-funny joke, I've forgotten what it was. Then Gunnar said, "We are here to take over your world!" Or something like that. Then Ace made _yet another _stupid comment, something about "Go back where you came from, this is a no invasion zone." And Gunnar said, "We will conquer your world by any means necessary." Then Ace and the Viking did some "No you won't." "Yes we will." thing that ended up in Ace tricking the Viking into saying "No we won't conquer your world!" It was really quite shameful of Ace, wasting time talking to that big barbarian oaf when we should be fighting him.

Well anyway, Ace pulled out his sword and the two started fighting. Clash, bash, it's really unfair that Ace gets a sword and the rest of us don't. I expect it's one of his 'leader privileges'. I _hate _his leader privileges. Ace gets a sword because he's the leader. Ace can boss us around because he's the leader. Ace gets the last cookie because he's the leader. It's blatantly unfair. If I was the leader I would get rid of those pesky leader privileges!

Well then, Gunnar shouted, "Taste my cold steel!" and ice flew out of his sword towards our 'beloved' leader. But Ace, being oh-so-perfect, combated the ice with his laser vision. But then Gunnar shouted, "Hammers of Frost!" (Oh what a creative name) and the Vikings pounded their hammers on the ground. The ground turned to ice and Ace fell over and slide back towards the rest of us.

By the way, while the whole 'taunting enemy sword fight' was going on between Bunny Boy and the Viking, the rest of us Loonatics were just standing here watching it. I hate it when all we can do is stand around watching Ace deal with things. It makes me feel so useless. If I was the leader I would make sure that the rest of the team were always doing something to help.

Tech then gabbled off some long technical blah blah blah about the Vikings' hammers. Meanwhile, the Vikings were still sending ice out of their hammers. There was too much ice for our so-very-perfect leader to handle, and eventually, we were (HORROR OF HORRORS) _frozen into a block of ice_!

Words cannot express how cold it was! Every feather was numb, down to each individual goose-bump! Really, I must complain to the Boss Lady about our suits. They are not, how do you say it, cold-proof, ice-protective, sufficient against the extreme temperatures that we face! As I stated before, if we had had _capes, _we would have been _much _warmer!

As soon as the Vikings had swaggered off, I quacked out of the ice block. If I had teeth, they would have been chattering like mad. I was half frozen. "Okay, I'm out, and I'm safe!" said I, "which is of number one importance." I was not being arrogant and heartless, but it is well known that in an emergency, you are meant to tend to yourself before you go to help others. On that little safety movie in aeroplanes, they quite clearly state that you are meant to put on your own oxygen mask before helping other people.

Anyway, once I had sufficiently recovered from the cold, I noticed that the others were still frozen in the ice. "I think this puts me in charge!" I said. I really would like to be in charge for once. If I was the leader, I would make sure that everyone was able to take care of themselves, so that the next time we were all frozen into a giant ice-cube, we would know exactly what to do. And if I was the leader, I'd make sure we were all wearing a cape.

Suddenly Slam started spinning and smashed the ice-cube, freeing the others. During the commotion and the pieces of ice hurtling everywhere, I was sent flying. I landed on my butt, and it hurt. I have a nasty bruise there now. Stupid Slam. "Nice work there Slam." Said Ace. I really think that's unfair. As I told Ace, "I would've busted you out myself if you'd just given me time to think." But then Ace insulted me, saying, "We had seconds not hours, Duck."

That comment hurt. It really did. I'm sick of the others teasing me about whether or not I have a brain. Just because I sometimes act without thinking, and just because I'm not as knowledgeable (well, geeky) as Tech, and just because I can't spell 'encyclopaedia', and just because I don't know my seven times tables, the others are always commenting on my level of intelligence. They have no right to call me dumb or stupid. Why, I'm as intelligent –or even more intelligent- than Slam or Lexi. It's not fair.

We began to walk down the street. The Ice Vikings had frozen everything, and there were icicles and snow drifts galore. "I love what they've done to the place." Said Ace. Heh. Another petty joke. Then we heard a beeping sound, and went over to an ATM, which Zadavia had appeared on the screen of. It's weird how there are convenient screens everywhere for Zadavia to appear on. Whenever she needs to talk to us, there's just magically a screen for her. Strange.

She said, "You must have figured out by now that these are no ordinary Vikings." Well of course we'd already figured it out! Does she think we're stupid or something? Ace then made _YET ANOTHER _joke, I can't really remember it, I just know it was _not _funny. I think it was something about how the Vikings didn't sound Scandinavian.

Zadavia then rattled off some long, boring explanation about how the Vikings got here. She used a lot of big words which I did not understand. Really, that woman is as bad as Tech sometimes. She should know by now that _normal _people like me don't know the meaning of all those scientific terms. The one part of her speech that I _did _understand was that the Vikings were here to freeze the city and take it over. Then Zadavia said enigmatically, "Right now, you have bigger problems." Then a big chunk of ice came hurtling out of nowhere and sent us flying. It also cut off Zadavia's transmission.

"I didn't get that last part. What are the bigger problems?" I said. Lexi asked what the Vikings were doing back on their ship, since their trail led into the city. And then Ace made another joke. You know, I'm getting utterly sick of writing about his many, many stupid jokes. He makes too many to count, and I don't know why I bother writing about them. This diary is meant to be about _me_, not about Ace's screwed-up sense of humour. I'll skip to the next thing Ace said. "Let's jet."

I really wish Ace would think of something more creative to say. Whenever we set out on a mission, "Let's jet!" Whenever we go on a test flight, "Let's jet!" Whenever we go out on patrol, "Let's jet!" Even when we're just going down to the shops, it's "Let's jet!" If I was the leader, I'd say something different every time. "Prepare to fly, Loonatics!" or "Get ready to become air-borne!" or "Blast off!"

Anyway, after Ace said "Let's jet!" I decided it was time for me to take control. "All righty team!" I said. "Follow me. One...two...three..." I tried to activate my jet pack, but it made a strange sputtering sound and refused to ignite. "What happened?!" I said. I was very embarrassed. The one time I have a chance to be in charge, and my jet pack doesn't work. Typical. Ace then took off his own jet pack and inspected it. "Hmm, the ice must have short circuited our jet packs." He said. "No worries. Got a back-up plan, Tech?"

We seem to have a back-up plan (or Plan B) for everything. I don't know when Ace and Tech come up with all these plans. Most of the time, we have just set out on a mission with no warning whatsoever. They must make them up as we fly or something.

Anyway, Tech pulled out a remote and pressed something, and six motorcycles drove up. What's more, they were flying motorcycles! How does Tech come up with these things...?

We jumped on the bikes and started flying around the Vikings' ship. I don't really know what we were flying around for. In fact I didn't even know the plan, because no one bothered to tell me. All the others seemed to know what we were doing. It's not fair; no one ever tells me anything! And to make matters worse, a piece of ice suddenly flew towards my bike. There was no way I could have dodged it. Of course I could have quacked out of the way, but I was panicking at the time and didn't think of using my powers. Luckily Lexi brain blasted the ice away in time. "Daredevil Duck...thanks you." I said, before flying away. (Yes, at the time I was calling myself Daredevil Duck, but later I decided it was a bit too... I dunno, loud, rowdy and random).

Suddenly the Vikings' ship stopped shooting ice. We all flew off into the distance, where one of Tech's cool transport/ship thingies was parked. We all climbed in, and Tech began to drive back towards the ship.

I didn't really understand what happened for the next few minutes. Everything went so fast and it was quite confusing. All I know is that we were meant to be shooting missiles at the Vikings' ship, but for some reason the firing mechanism wasn't working, so Slam threw the missiles instead. As the ship exploded, I said, "So long, ice geeks!" Lexi said, "Anchors aweigh!" and Ace said, "I just love those 'xplosions!" My comment was by far the cleverest of the three.

We landed on the destroyed Viking ship. Ace asked if the freeze was over now that their ship was destroyed. Tech replied that the Vikings' power came from the horns on their helmets. Actually those helmets were sorta cool. I think I might ask Zadavia if, as well as capes, we can add helmets to the uniform. Ace then asked Rev to check if there was anyone still on board the ship. There wasn't, but instead of simply saying "No one there", Rev had to go on and on and on, talking really fast so that we couldn't even understand what he was saying. I hate it when he does that.

Rev then used his internal GPS thing to work out where the Vikings had gone. They were heading for the planetary power grid! This was the big problem Zadavia had mentioned. If the Vikings got there and froze the power core, they could freeze and take over the whole city. This was bad. Very bad.

We raced to the power core and burst in just as the Vikings were about to freeze it. And the battle began! I fought valiantly, of course; in fact I took down quite a number of those pesky techno-Vikings. If I hadn't been there, fighting alongside my five comrades, then I'm sure the battle would have been a failure. Luckily I _was_ there, with my super-awesome powers and ferocious hand-to-hand fighting skills!

One particularly memorable moment was when two of the Vikings were advancing on me. "Come on, come on!" I taunted. "How hard is it to freeze-dry a duck?" And then I let them have it! I threw my power-orbs at them and down they went!

I was really getting into the fighting spirit when suddenly Tech plugged something in, Ace knocked a Viking into the power core, and all the enemies collapsed. "The energy from the Vikings has recharged the power core!" Lexi said... whatever that means.

"Aww, Tech!" I said, rather disappointed that the battle had ended so quickly. "I was just about to let them have it!" I looked around but couldn't see Tech anywhere. "Tech?" I suddenly heard a voice coming from near the floor. "Talk about taking one for the team." The deep voice said. I lifted up a fallen helmet, and found a melted Tech underneath. He made a funny whimpering sound.

Tech's lucky. Whenever he gets zapped or electrocuted or melted or blown up or fried, he can just regenerate himself. If the rest of us gets zapped or electrocuted or melted or blown up or fried, then we're dead. But luckily, none of the rest of us have ever been zapped or electrocuted or melted or blown up or fried.

And that was that! We headed back home, the mission finished, and I came to my room to write down the day's event in this diary.

Wow. Reading back on this, I realise what a good memory I have! I've managed to recall pretty much everything that's happened, and most of what the others and I said. I even managed to remember most of Ace's awful jokes!

... I have to admit, diary, that some of what I've written is not strictly true. I wrote that if I was the leader, I would not let anyone laugh at anyone else. I would get rid of the leader privileges. I would think of a different phrase to "Let's Jet!", and I would make sure everyone is always doing something useful.

Well, I'm afraid that if I _was _suddenly made leader, I would probably keep laughing at other people, because having a team that never laughs is just _boring_. And I would keep the leader privileges, because if _I _was the leader then _I _would get the sword and the last cookie. And as for thinking up a new phrase every time we have to fly, I think I'd run out of new phrases pretty quickly.

Moreover, Ace does a pretty good job as team leader. I don't think I'm ready to lead _just _yet. Maybe in the future one day, but not right now. I am (though I hate to admit it) pretty immature. (I can't believe I actually said- well wrote- that.)

But anyway! It's been fun writing out today's mission, but I'm bored now. I'm gonna go back to the main room to look at my gorgeous face in the mirror, and think of some more names for myself.

I'll write again soon!

Danger Duck

_Please review!_

_Oh and just for the record, I have nothing against Ace's jokes. This is just what I imagine Duck would think of them._

_And I didn't forget the bit at the end of Loonatics on Ice. That part's going in the next update._

_Not every chapter will be a mission, I might have entries about other things as well...unless people review saying they want all missions or something._

_And I might try to make chapters shorter... again, depends what people want._


	3. Dreams, Anger and Fuz Zs!

_Thank you to m-eleven10, Truth of Barricade, SoullessAce, Starwing Bravo and Yunno for reviewing._

I've been forgetting to put a disclaimer. I don't own Loonatics Unleashed.

Websites I've been using are Loonatics Unleashed Online (the script pages), thesaurus (.com) and aussiethings (.com) babynames.

**The Diary of Danger Duck-chapter three**

Dear diary,

Good morning! I had the most _random _dream last night. Ace's accent vanished and he accused me of stealing it! Seriously, how am I meant to steal an _accent_? It was just despicable.

Anyway, yesterday I wrote that I was bored and I was going back to the main room to think of more names for myself. Well there I was, thinking of some really cool names, and Tech was eating more pizza. It's strange how that coyote can eat so much fatty, processed food, but he still stays thin. Me, if I eat anything other than diet foods, protein shakes and bland toast, I become obese. That's why I need to exercise so much. Fan-girls don't like fat superheroes.

So, I was thinking of names when Zadavia called in. "Loonatics," she said, "I have to say to each and every one of you, job well done! The ice age is averted, the techno-Vikings destroyed, and Acmetropolis is safe. Thank you Ace, Rev, Lexi, Slam, Tech... good work, all of you. Zadavia out!"

She missed me out. _SHE MISSED ME OUT!!! _I couldn't believe it! I helped out _so much _on that mission, and she thanked everyone except _me_! Talk about ingratitude! Zadavia is constantly picking on me. But she's always nice to Ace! It's favouritism, _FAVOURITISM I TELL YOU!!! _

And when I complained, Lexi said, "Don't worry about it. You were fantastic!" But then Ace said, in a snooty, mocking voice, "Oh yeah. Heroic." Grrr, he gets me _so annoyed_!!! I decided that I didn't have to take that humiliation! "No one disrespects this duck!" I said, and pressed the buttons to call Zadavia back.

When she reappeared, I said, "Didn't you forget something?" "Yes, I suppose I did." She replied. I was pleased that she had noticed her mistake, but my happiness evaporated when, instead of apologising and thanking me, she said, "No more memos about changing your name. 'Danger Duck' is self explanatory and easy to remember. Request denied!" and then she vanished.

I was angry. Scrap that, I was (hang on a sec while I get a thesaurus) affronted, antagonized, chafed, choleric, cross, enraged, exacerbated, fiery, fuming, furious, galled, hateful, heated, hot, huffy, ill-tempered, impassioned, incensed, indignant, inflamed, infuriated, irascible, irate, ireful, maddened, nettled, offended, outraged, piqued, provoked, raging, resentful, riled, splenetic, storming, tumultuous, turbulent, vexed, _wrathful_! That is every word I can find that means 'angry', in _alphabetical order_!!!

That was how mad Zadavia made me. It's _my_ name; I have every right to change it if I want to! I've decided that I can live with the name 'Danger Duck', but I still haven't forgiven Zadavia.

Anyway, that all happened yesterday. This morning, I woke up, got changed, and went and had breakfast. Then I came to write in this diary.

I still think it's a rather strange idea, keeping a diary, but it's sort of fun, writing down what happens and commenting on things. I've noticed that the others all write regularly in theirs, especially Slam. Slam is _addicted _to writing in his. The only times he stops writing are when we're out on missions, and at mealtimes. I would _really _like to know what he's writing about. But we all keep our diaries secret. In fact, Rev keeps his _ridiculously _secret. If he's writing in it, and someone walks past, he'll stop and cover what he's written until the person has left. What deep, dark secret could be written in Rev's diary???!

Well, it's been a _very _uneventful morning, so I don't really know what to write about...um...uh... I know! I'll write about these new bio-pets that everyone's buying! They're called Fuz-Zs, and they're little, coloured balls of fuzz with eyes, mouths and tails. They were discovered by this scientist called Doctor Zane, and now everyone's buying them as pets. They're the latest craze. I ordered one a few weeks ago, but it hasn't arrived yet (talk about bad service!).

When my Fuz-Z arrives, he (or she) will be my heroic sidekick! I'd better think of a good name for him (or her). How about 'Mini Danger'? Or 'The Fearless Fuzzball'! 'Super-fuzz'! 'Wonderfluff'! So many possibilities...

Lexi also seems interested in getting a Fuz-Z, and I know Rev's heard of them too, but the other three don't seem to know that they exist. I haven't seen Ace all day; I think he got up early to train and missed breakfast. Slam isn't interested in trends and stuff; right now he's occupied raiding the refrigerator. And if Tech had a Fuz-Z, he'd probably use it as a guinea pig for his experiments, or dissect it, or something like that.

I can't wait for my Fuz-Z to arrive! I'm so excited. I'm hoping that it will be delivered some time this afternoon, tomorrow at the latest. It's been over a month since I ordered it, but I expect that the shops are sold out, since Fuz-Zs so popular.

It would be nice if we heroes got our orders delivered first. I mean, we're always saving Acmetropolis, the least they can do in return is serve us before all those other 'common' people. We don't even get paid! Although I suppose we get free food and lodging and stuff.

Well, I'm going for a walk now. I need to work off all those calories from breakfast.

I'll write again tomorrow!

Danger Duck

_Please review!_

_Next up- Attack of the Fuzz Balls!_


	4. Attack of the Fuzz Balls

_Thank you to Starwing Bravo, Areiv, SoullessAce, PurpleGirly, Yunno and Animalker for reviewing._

Disclaimer: I don't own Loonatics Unleashed. Websites I used include Loonatics Unleashed Online (the episode script) and dictionary (dot) (com).

**The Diary of Danger Duck-chapter four**

Dear diary,

I've spent the last _three hours _treating myself with every flea spray, shampoo and fine-tooth comb I can find. I think the fleas are gone now, but the bites are _unbearably_ itchy and my feathers stink of the chemicals from the sprays and shampoo. I should never have bought that flea circus... really this is just utterly despicable.

But anyway, today we went on another mission... yesterday I wrote about those new Fuz-Zs. It turns out that when they are fed chocolate, they turn into huge, violent, ferocious beasts!!! Actually I should probably start from the beginning.

This morning, I had just finished breakfast and was gargling (a hero needs to have fresh breath!) when I heard the word 'Fuz-Z' in the main room. I went out to investigate and found Lexi cradling a bio-pet while Ace started at it suspiciously. I was stunned. As I wrote yesterday, my bio-pet was on back order for weeks! How did Lexi get one so fast? I asked her, "Are you sure that this pet isn't mine?" It was a perfectly reasonable question. If a bio-pet had been delivered to the tower, it might have been meant for me, not Lexi.

Anyway, she snatched the Fuz-Z off me and said, "Back off. Zozo is mine!" Hmph. What sort of name is 'Zozo' anyway? How un-creative can you get? I was just about to tell her what I thought of the name when Zadavia called in.

I still haven't forgiven the Boss Lady for missing out on thanking me yesterday. But I decided that for the sake of the upcoming mission, I wouldn't make a great fuss about it. I can't remember exactly what Zadavia said, but the main message was that there was a giant spider problem in South Acmetropolis. The species and origin were unknown.

I asked, "Forget where it came from. Where is it going? It's not coming here, is it?" For the record, I was not asking because I was scared. I was just wondering out of curiosity. I might have sounded like I was scared, but I was just enthusiastic. Of course, Zadavia assumed that I was being a wimp, and she said, "The idea was for _you _to go _there_, Danger Duck." (When she uses my full name, it means she's annoyed.) "I'll transfer coordinates in transit. Zadavia out!" Ace said, "She gets to go out, while we get to battle giant spiders! Nice. Let's jet."

Ace has a point. How come Zadavia never comes and helps us on missions? I suppose fighting crime is below her superior Boss Lady status. Hmph.

As I flew off, I heard Ace telling Lexi to leave Zozo behind. I still can't get over how ridiculous the name 'Zozo' is. Zozo. Zozo. Zozo. The more I say it, the more random it seems!

"According the Zadavia's readings, we should be able to spot the itsy-bitsy little spider right about now!" Ace said. A giant spider emerged. Actually 'giant' is an understatement. It was ginormous! Gigantic! Other words starting with 'G' that mean big! "Whoa," I said, "That thing has three..four..._five_ legs!" Actually it had six, but before I noticed the last one I was kicked by the spider and sent flyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyying! I'm bruised all over now. Ow.

I had just picked myself up when Slam and Rev led the beast onto a bridge. Tech, Ace and Lexi used their powers to remove the bolts and break the ropes holding the bridge up. The bridge was lowered to the ground and a great cloud of dust rose up (hack, splutter, cough) and when the smoke cleared, the spider was gone (gasp)!

"You've got to be kidding me. How'd it get outta there?!" Ace exclaimed. "Itsy-bitsy go bye bye." Lexi muttered. And that is when I found my Fuz-Z. He was just sitting there, a cute little ball of brown fluff, staring at me with beseeching little eyes, begging me to pick him up and cuddle him. "Check it out!" said I, picking him up. "I found a Fuz-Z! And this one is mine. How about it, Wonderfluff? Oh yeah, that works!" (Yes, I decided on the name Wonderfluff, though Super-fuzz came a close second).

Suddenly Ace snatched Wonderfluff (what bad manners!) "Hey, what gives?" I asked. "Hmm, big spider beast pulls a disappearing act and we find a hard-to-get bio-pet. What are the odds?" Ace said. Tech gabbled off some numbers then said "To one." "Kinda high on the coincidence metre, don't you think?" Ace asked. I was angry. Veeery angry. I just got a wonderful new bio-pet, and Ace was trying to pin crimes on it! At the time I thought Ace was just jealous of my cute little Wonderfluff (later we found out that the Fuz-Zs were actually the giant spiders, but I'm not up to that part of the mission yet).

Ace put Wonderfluff in a container. The container had no lid and was pretty useless, since Wonderfluff could easily jump out. Suddenly Lexi pulled out Zozo (STUPID NAME!!!). "Aww, how could anyone think Fuz-Zs are anything but cute and adorable?" she said. Then Zozo suddenly jumped over to me, and Wonderfluff hopped out of the (useless) container and leapt into my back pack. "I guess they like me best. So now I have _two _superhero sidekicks! What do you think about that, huh?"

Ace looked pretty angry with Lexi. "You had to bring the fuzz." He snapped. Normally I'm the one that Ace is angry with for being disobedient, and normally Lexi is such a suck up. Today was different. It's fun watching the others get told off!

In an attempt to draw the attention away from herself, Lexi said, "There's a party going on in your backpack." Indeed, the two Fuz-Zs were rummaging around in my back pack. "Oh, I never go out into the field without some chocolate ab-inducer bars. They must be hungry." Those chocolate bars are _delicious_! There are white chocolate ab-inducer bars, dark chocolate ab-inducer bars, low fat ab-inducer bars, lite ab-inducer bars, diet ab-inducer bars, fruit-and-nut ab-inducer bars, honeycomb ab-inducer bars, peppermint ab-inducer bars... the list goes on and on!

_Anyway_, I pulled the Fuz-Zs out of my backpack before they could eat all my chocolate (ab-inducer bars are tasty but _expensive_!), but as I was holding them in my hand their eyes started to glow, and they sprouted horns and legs! I dropped the fuzz balls and they began to grow into huge, menacing spider beasts!!!

I hadn't gotten very close to the spider beasts before. Trust me; they were not a pretty sight. Huge sharp teeth (that were not very clean; I think those spiders need to see the dentist), large, worm-like tongues, hairy legs (urgently in need of a wax), and big, glowing eyes. I couldn't believe that the ugly beast was my little Wonderfluff.

"I don't think Wonderfluff's had all his shots." I said (I have such a wonderful sense of humour). Suddenly Ace yelled "Duck!" That's the bad thing about my name. When someone yells 'duck' I never know whether they're calling me or telling me to dodge. In this case it was the latter, but I didn't realise the danger before it was too late. I was knocked flying by Lexi's evil Fuz-Z.

This is the second time I've been sent flying today. I'm not happy about this. Maybe I should ask Tech if he can make us suits with extra padding or something (Oh, by the way, I asked Zadavia about adding a cape to the uniform. She refused, saying it would just get in the way. Really, that woman has no sense of fashion.)

Anyway, I got up and quacked back to the others in time to see Rev running around Zozo's legs, trying to confuse the spider and make her fall down. I quickly threw two tar-eggs at the beast, and they fell near her feet. Zozo's feet were caught in the sticky tar and she crashed to the ground. Once again, Danger Duck saved the day. Go me!

Wonderfluff grabbed his head like he was in pain, and shrank back to normal Fuz-Z size. He leapt into my hands. Zozo also shrank. "What's gotten into these powder puffs?" Ace asked. Zadavia appeared on a convenient nearby screen. "Something powerful." She said. "Powerful," Ace said, "but easy to get a hold of." I can't really remember the next part of the conversation, but basically we figured out that eating chocolate made the Fuz-Zs transform into the spider beasts. Ace then decided that he, Slam, Tech and Rev would go out and collect all the Fuz-Zs on Acmetropolis, since they were now too dangerous to be kept as pets. Lexi and I were sent to visit Doctor Zane (I mentioned him in my last diary entry) to see if he was in danger from his own creations.

So, Lexi and I set off.

It didn't take us long to arrive outside Doctor Zane's laboratory. No one was around. "I guess no one's home." I said. "No, there's someone in there, I can hear breathing inside." Lexi retorted. Geez, what a show off! We opened the door and entered. "Excuse me, Doctor Zane?" Lexi called. "We've come about your bio-pets. We've reason to believe that they're very-" she was cut off as three spider beasts emerged from the shadows.

"Well, it looks like they've already had their chocolate today." I said. "I hope that's all they crave." Lexi muttered. Suddenly the lights turned on. We turned to see Doctor Zane, unwrapping a chocolate bar. "Not only do they like chocolate," he said menacingly, "but they also have a taste for duck and rabbit. And guess what?" he smiled evilly, "it's feeding time!"

I opened my mouth to make a comment about the Doctor's sanity, but before I could say anything, a call came in on Lexi's intercom. It was Ace. "How are things on your end, Lex?" his voice crackled from the intercom. Before Lexi could reply, a spider beast grabbed her, and another one picked me up. I could have quacked out of its grasp easily, but Lexi looked over at me and shook her head. I think she wanted to try and get the Doctor to give us more information. He would probably tell us more if he thought we were helpless, rather than if we threatened him.

"You knew all along that chocolate mutated the Fuz-Zs, didn't you!" Lexi accused. "_Knew?_ I made _sure _of it!" he said. "My first Fuz-Zs weren't supposed to transform so soon, not until I had infested all of Acmetropolis with the creatures." "So you wanted to cover the whole planet with Fuz-Zs, and tear Acmetropolis apart!" Lexi said angrily. "Sounds like someone's mommy didn't give them enough chockies when they were little." I said.

Doctor Zane then went on to tell us that he was angry because the Acmetropolis Science Council fired him. Apparently they thought his experiments were too dangerous. So, he decided to show Acmetropolis what he was capable of. He found the Fuz-Zs in a fissure opened by the meteor. He turned them into bio-pets, and discovered that when they ate chocolate they would turn into the spider beasts. Clearly the guy was wacko.

The Doctor held up a control box. "The only way to stop them is with this."

"Care to demonstrate?" cried Lexi as the Fuz-Zs lifted us towards their mouths, ready to eat us. "No," Doctor Zane smirked, "they need their protein." We were about to become lunch for those horrific beasts when suddenly the other Loonatics burst into the laboratory in a new ship. "Too much chocolate'll make you sick!" Ace yelled.

Lexi broke free of the Fuz-Z while I quacked out. The others leapt out of the ship while Lexi and I dodged the spider beast's stamping foot. Zane pulled a lever and tubs of Fuz-Zs fell from the ceiling. "Dear me, what kind of host have I been? Would anyone care for some chocolate?" Zane asked. He pulled another lever and chocolate poured out of a doorway nearby. "The more they eat, the longer it lasts." Zane cackled.

"Then no more chocolate for them! Rev, Slam, time for a little candy run!" Ace called. Rev and Slam began to carry chocolate out of the door. "Duck, the control box!" Ace yelled. I was confused. "What about it?" Suddenly I realised that he wanted me to grab it from Zane. "Oh, right!" I egged Doctor Zane with tar and while he was running around like a headless chicken, I grabbed the control box. Wonderfluff chose that inconvenient moment to jump out of my back pack and approach the large pile of chocolate. While I was distracted, Zane grabbed the control box. As we struggled, I managed to find the time for a hilarious joke, "Hey, this is no time to dance!" Ahahahah! I really am a very funny duck.

Suddenly a spider beast started to lower its sting onto the Doctor and I. We leapt out of the way, but the control box went flying. Ace lunged for it and picked it up, but a spider beast grabbed him and he dropped it. The Doctor picked it up, but Ace lasered him, broke free of the Fuz-Z, picked up the control box and returned the spider beasts to normal.

Ace always gets to be the big hero.

We went back to HQ to pick up the Fuz-Zs that the other four had collected, then we all went to the fissure where the Fuz-Zs were originally found. Slam poured all the Fuz-Zs in except for Wonderfluff and Zozo. Lexi and I wanted to farewell our pets.

I don't remember what Lexi said to her pet, but I _do _remember how I said goodbye to Wonderfluff. "I salute you Wonderfluff. You've been a brave sidekick. I also fear you, but let's not go into that now." Then I threw him into the fissure with the other Fuz-Zs.

Despite the brave demeanour I put on, it was hard to say goodbye to Wonderfluff. In the short time I knew him, he became a close friend and comrade. Even though he tried to kill me...

Zadavia appeared out of Tech's intercom. She said the usual blah blah blah about how we did a good job, and how Doctor Zane was in prison. Then she said we could have the rest of the day off.

It was evening. There was hardly any day light left. Some reward for all our hard work!

"You know, Fuz-Zs are so over." I said once Zadavia had left. "I've already moved onto the next big thing." I pulled out my flea circus. Ace thought it was a hamster playhouse. "I don't see any fleas." Lexi frowned. "It looks like there's a hole in the box." Tech pointed out. "Oh great. So where are the fleas?" I asked.

I think you can guess what happened next.

So that was today's mission! Once again I am stunned by my amazing memory. I've remembered pretty much everything that happened today! Wow.

So, is there anything else interesting that I can write about...oh yeah! It's gonna be Christmas in a week! I can't wait! It will be our first Christmas together as a team!

I should probably start doing my Christmas shopping soon. I'm undecided about whether I should:

a) Buy everyone a cheap present so that I have more money to spend on myself,

or,

b) Buy everyone an expensive present so that they know how kind and generous I am.

Oh, the indecision. I want to go with option a, because I'm saving up for a Misty Breeze snow globe, but I also want to go with option b, because I don't want the others to think I'm some sort of Scrooge. What to do, oh what to do???!!!

What's more, we're going on a week's camping trip for Christmas! I'm so excited. The last time I went camping, I was seven years old, and the whole orphanage went. It was muddy and wet. I'm sure this camping trip will be much nicer.

So yeah, that's pretty much everything. I'm going to go to the pet shop now, and demand a refund for that flea circus.

Bye for now!

Danger Duck

_Please review!_

_Next up- Duck does his Christmas shopping!_

_BTW, for people who are interested, my sister Phasmidfan has started a 'webstory' on her blog, (www) (dot) phasmidfan (dot) wordpress (dot) (com). Please check it out._


	5. Silent Night

_Thank you to PurpleGirly, Areiv, Dolphin-99 and Yunno for reviewing._

_Hmm, my hits (and reviews) are decreasing each chapter! How depressing. Thanks to everyone who's read (and reviewed) the whole story._

Disclaimer: I don't own Loonatics Unleashed, or the song 'Silent Night'. Websites I used include dictionary (dot) com, and carols (dot) org (dot) uk. (The latter only because I wasn't sure whether it was 'yon' or 'your' in Silent Night.)

**The Diary of Danger Duck-chapter five**

Dear diary,  
Greetings! It's been a really busy day today. No missions, but I did my Christmas shopping and quite a lot of other things happened. I'll start with this morning. I had another random dream last night. Well, more of a nightmare. This new fast food outlet opened. It was called 'KFD', Kentucky Fried Duck. Ugh. I shudder at the thought.

Anyway, I didn't get a very good night's sleep, and I woke up feeling really grumpy. Then I burnt the toast and spilt the milk and Ace started laughing at me. It wasn't a very good start to the day.

About half an hour later, I saw that Rev had left his bedroom door open, and his diary was lying on his bed. For once it was unguarded. What I did next was really not very nice of me. In fact, in hindsight, I really _should not _have done it. I had no right to. Oh well. Too late now. I crept in and read his diary.

I only read a few pages, but let me tell you, I am _shocked_! I really cannot _believe _some of what I read. I always thought Rev was so naive and innocent... but I was wrong. Some of what he wrote.... I think I'm scarred for life. He wrote how he had to "get it down on paper and let it all out." I honestly _do not_ want to repeat what I read in that book.

Oh yeah, he'd also written where he keeps his secret stash of cookies. Now I can steal some! BWAHAHAHAHA!

So, that was this morning. After lunch, no missions had come up, so I decided to go down to the shops and do my Christmas shopping. I was still undecided as to whether I should buy everyone cheap presents or expensive presents. Eventually I decided to split my money in half. I used half my savings on Christmas presents, and put the other half aside to put towards my Misty Breeze snow globe.

So, this is what I bought for everyone!

For Ace, I bought some Tai Chi DVDs. He likes to meditate, so I thought he might like those stretching exercises.

I bought Slam a big box of chocolates. He'll probably down the whole box in a few seconds though.

For Tech, I bought a big, squishy pillow! Hopefully it'll encourage him to sleep more and pull less all-nighters.

For Rev, I bought sea monkeys. When the Loonatics first started up, he had lots and lots of little sea monkeys, but I knocked over their container and spilt them everywhere. Rev was really upset for about two weeks, then he forgot all about them.

There was a problem when I got to Lexi. I had no idea what she would like, so I asked the shop girl and she brought out this bright pink dress with lots of frills, lace and ribbons. It didn't really look like Lexi's sort of thing, but I bought it anyway since I didn't have any other options.

I'm also giving each of my teammates a signed photo of myself.

I was about to leave the shops when I remembered that I had to buy something for Zadavia. By this time, I had spent most of my money and the only thing within my budget was a can of deodorant. So, that's what I bought the Boss Lady. I hope she isn't insulted.

While I was walking back to the tower, I passed through China town, and happened to go past 'Number #1 Barbecue Restaurant'. Hanging in the window were rows and rows of barbecued ducks. Small ducks, not anthropomorphic ducks like me. It broke my heart, it honestly did. And then, to make matters worse, while I was staring at the poor little birds, this weird, spotty human boy sneered at me. "Oh, poor little ducky." The annoying imbecile said. "Is one of those little birdies a member of your family? Is that one your cousin Harry? Is that fat one over there your mummy?" I lost it. I won't take comments like that about my deceased parents! I egged the annoying boy in the face. He got covered in ketchup and staggered around screaming like a girl.

I really hate people like that. It annoys me to no end. Most of the humans on Acmetropolis accept us anthros and treat us normally, but there are a few who really resent us for some reason, and make comments about how we belong in zoos. That boy was one of them. They seem to think that, because they're humans, they're superior to us.

No one is superior to Danger Duck!!!

Anyhow, I was in a bad mood when I got back to HQ, and sulked in my room playing gameboy for a while. I came out at dinnertime. While we ate, we talked about the upcoming Christmas and camping trip. "What should we have for Christmas dinner?" Lexi asked. Turkey was, of course, out of the question. Eating another member of the bird family is just unthinkable. It would be cannibalism! Chicken was not a possibility either.

Ace suggested lamb, and Tech suggested roast beef. I personally do not care, as long as there is Christmas pudding. Mmmm, I loooove Christmas pudding. But eating it makes me put on weight, so I have to spend Boxing Day working out.

We also talked about the camping trip. Rev especially is getting excited. He went on and on and on about how fun it will be. I myself am looking forward to the trip immensely. I just hope that no super villains attack during the trip, because that would _really _ruin it.

And then, after dinner, we practiced our carol singing! The other five sang (well Slam grunted) and I conducted. "Alright," I said, "We'll start with 'Silent Night'. A one, a two, a one two three four!"

The others began to sing. "_Silent night, holy night, all is-" _"STOOOOP!" I yelled. They sounded _awful_. "Lexi, Tech, you're out of tune! Start again!"

"_Silent ni-" _"Stop! Stop!" I interrupted. "Rev, you're a _semitone _too high. Try again!"

"_Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright. Round-" _"Oh, stop!" I cried. "What is it _now_?" Lexi asked, sounding rather annoyed. "Ace, you're singing too loudly! You're drowning out the others! And Slam, maybe grunt _in time _to the music! One more time!"

By now they were all glaring at me. But the worst was yet to come. "_Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright. Round yon virgin, mother and child. Holy infant so tender and mild. Sleep in..." _Now as we all know, at this point in the song, the pitch gets quite a bit higher. None of my teammates are able to hit the high note. _"HEAVENLY pe-EACE!" _

Rev's 'heavenly peace' came out as a croak. Ace's voice got louder but not higher. Lexi's 'heavenly peace' was a piercing shriek that just about deafened me. And Tech's 'heavenly peace' was an out-of-tune, off-pitch, _flat _bellow, right in my ear.

We gave up on 'Silent Night' and sang 'Jingle Bells' instead.

Then, I came up to my room to write this.

Hm, what else can I write about? Well, my phone is really annoying me. I can't seem to get a signal on it. Just despicable. What else? Ace is teaching Tech to meditate, and Tech's getting really into it. Once Ace tried teaching _me _to meditate. I simply _could not _do it. I kept getting distracted. I kept having to yawn or scratch. Ace got really annoyed with me, so I gave up.

It's getting pretty late, and I think I'll go to bed soon.

Goodnight!

Danger Duck

_Please review!_

_Hmm, my sister (Dolphin-99) told me that the non-episode chapters (i.e. chapters 1 and 3) were more interesting than the episode chapters (2 and 4). What do other people think?_

_By the way, I think someone else has done the Loonatics on a camping trip... I hope I'm not copying. _

_And lastly, does anyone know what the Loonatics' ship/big flying vehicle is called? Is it the 'Loonaporter'?_

_So yah...please review!_


	6. Cloak of Black Velvet

_Thank you to Areiv, PurpleGirly, Dolphin-99, Starwing Bravo, SoullessAce, bethhigdon, robot85 and Yunno for reviewing :-)_

Disclaimer: I don't own Loonatics Unleashed. Websites I used were wikipedia, and google videos.

**The Diary of Danger Duck-chapter six**

Dear Diary,

Greetings! I am in a bad mood right now. I am sitting on the couch in the main room, writing this. Rev is playing pong while Slam watches. Ace and Lexi are playing pool. Wait, they've finished playing now. Ace won. Now he's going to meditate. Lexi has come to sit next to me on the couch. She is taking off her shoes. Now she is pulling out a nail clipper and clipping her gruesomely long toenails. Ugh! Those nails are long, thick, and a ghastly yellow colour. I think she'll need a pair of _shears_ to cut through those _monstrosities_.

As for Tech...Tech is strutting around in his stupid robin's-egg blue cape, and his stupid robin's-egg blue boots, size thirteen wide, that should belong to _me_! That nerdy coyote is just trying to show off to Zadavia! I hate him! _I hate him!!!_

I guess it all started this morning, when we were in the main room. I was trying to call the 'Superhero Costume Discount Warehouse'. I wanted to order a cape. You might recall that a few days ago I asked Zadavia if we could add a cape to the uniform, and she said no. Well, I decided to get one anyway. I thought that maybe if she saw how heroic I looked wearing it, she would let me add it to the uniform.

Anyway, I was on the phone, Slam was stuffing himself with watermelons, Ace and Lexi were talking, and Tech was meditating. He was sitting on Ace's random floating poof, cross legged, with his eyes shut.

As I said yesterday, I couldn't get a signal on my phone. SO ANNOYING! I mean, I was on the top floor (floor number 134, by the way)!!! So there I was, trying to get a signal, when my phone rang. It played my wonderful, loud ringtone, which has a beeping sound and lots of quacks. The ringtone broke Tech out of his meditational reverie. He told me to shut the ringtone off, and said he was trying to clear his mind.

Hah! Tech with a clear mind? That's a laugh. As I said to Tech, a hazmat team would be needed to clear the junk out of that coyote's head.

Anyway, my phone rang, I answered it, and again the signal got cut off. I was not amused. Not in the slightest. I had HAD IT with that phone! I decided that from now on, I would use no modern technology! I decided to do things the old fashioned way! I would be like those people who live out in the country and use no technology... 'Amish' people or something like that.

Lexi and Ace were rather sceptical. They didn't think I could go a week without technology. I told them I didn't need any high-tech weapons. Then I pulled out two fire eggs! BWAHAHAHA, FIRE! My bare hands are lethal weapons!

Tech told me I "couldn't go one low tech week without high tech stuff." So I told him, "Oh, really? Well I'm not you, Mr 'Techno Geek'."

That comment seemed to anger Tech. He got off the random floating poof and stood up at his full height (which was considerably taller than me). He looked rather menacing, looming over me. For a moment I thought he was going to yell at me, or bite me with those big, sharp teeth of his.

But instead he said, "I'll make you a bet! If you can get through one week, I'll buy you that new cape myself!" He went on to say that if I lost the bet, _I_ would have to buy the cape for _him_. We also decided that as well as the cape, the loser would have to buy the knee high boots.

Tech obviously thought that he was going to win, because he said, "By the way, I'm a thirteen. _Wide_." Wow, I never knew he was so broad. I myself am only a size eight. Tech must be abnormally tall. Or maybe _I'm_ abnormally _short_?

Anyway, the bet was on. I was confident that I would win. I am, after all, the invincible, undefeatable, ultimately superior _Danger Duck_!

Then Zadavia called in and we all went to sit around the round table while her hologram appeared in the middle. She told us, "Gather round, Loonatics! We have a major crisis...besides Duck's new costume requests." Hmm, I wonder how she knew I was trying to buy a new cape? I never told her. Maybe she's psychic! Maybe she can _read minds!!!!! _Oh noes! What if she knows what I was thinking about her the other day, after the incident with the ice Vikings? Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!

...alright, I will calm down now... Zadavia _cannot _read minds. It is just my imagination. Right. Now. As I was saying.

The 'major crisis' was that some weird lady called 'Black Velvet' had stolen some radar system. Hmph. That's not a 'major crisis'. A good example of a 'major crisis' is when...um...is when the weather report is cancelled! Then I don't get to see Misty Breeze! _That _would be a major crisis!

Anyway, this radar system apparently directs the air and space traffic in and out of Acmetropolis. Then Zadavia said, very ominously, "I'm afraid it gets worse." Ooh, that can't be good.

"They have also taken the Acme Super Computer." Oh, what a creative name (note sarcasm)! I guess it's called the 'Acme Super Computer' because it's in Acmetropolis, it's a computer, and it's super. Obviously. Tech went on to say that it was the most advanced system on the planet, and he should know, because he built it for them.

Geez, Tech, exercise a little modesty for once! What a _bragger_! Hang on...if Tech built the computer, he probably named it...which means _he _is responsible for it's very un-creative name. Wow, he sure doesn't have much imagination!

We then watched some footage from security cameras. One camera showed a close-up of that 'Black Velvet' woman. Ace and Slam were gawking at her. Their eyes were practically popping out of their heads. They thought she was hot. I personally thought she was not _that _pretty. She was dressed all in black (EMO!) and her hair was a ghastly whitish-blue colour. Ugh. _Nothing_ compared to Misty Breeze!

Lexi appeared to be a bit jealous of this 'Black Velvet' person. It is understandable. Lexi always wants to be the prettiest girl. She cannot accept it when Ace finds another female more good-looking.

Zadavia then told us that "Attractive or not, she's bad to the bone." Our mission was to find out what she was up to. So Ace said, "Let's jet!" and we all got in the ship/vehicle/flying thingy, and set out.

We were headed for the Acme-Tech University. That place is the homeland of geeks, dweebs and nerds. Tech told me that he went to school there. That's random. Tech went to Acme-Tech. The school has the same name as him! "Hi, I'm Tech and I got to Acme-Tech!" Hahaha! I find it funny for some reason!

As soon as we got out of the ship/vehicle/flying thingy, all these weird purple things came down from the sky and surrounded us, and everything went dark. I couldn't see a thing. It was pitch black. I somehow got separated from the others in the darkness. I heard footsteps and knew I was surrounded by enemies, but I couldn't see them. I could hear Ace talking though, from somewhere to my right.

Rev, with his internal GPS thingummy, was able to sense where the enemies were. I could hear him telling Lexi where to kick.

I couldn't see the enemies, but I could smell them! They smelt like cheese! Yes, CHEESE! I aimed a punch...and almost hit Ace. Oops.

Suddenly this voice came out of nowhere. "We have what we came for! Crush them!" Or something along those lines. "I see dark days ahead, Loonatics!" Ooh, very ominous.

All the enemies retreated suddenly, and the darkness vanished. I turned in time to see a big, biiiiig tower about to fall on us. "Loonatics, let's jet!" Ace yelled, but no one jetted, they all ran. Seriously! What's the point of saying 'let's jet' if you're not gonna jet? Running is _not_ jetting!

Anyway, they all ran, cowards, but I stood my ground! And just when I was about to be squashed flat as a pancake, I quacked out of the way.

When I re appeared, I saw all the others digging through the rubble. They probably thought I had been buried. "Whoo hoo! Missed me!" I said. They all stopped digging and gave me dark looks.

I am very touched that they were so worried about me. They seemed rather frantic, and probably thought that I had been killed. I wonder what they would do if one day I _was _killed? Would they cry? Would they all go into a state of depression? Would they change the uniform to all-black? Or would they just say, "Oh, goody, that annoying Duck is out of the way now. Good riddance! I wish it had happened sooner."

Hmm, that's a depressing thought. I _think _if I died, they'd be upset. I think.

Anyway, this is going off topic. Once they had finished giving me death stares, Black Velvet's voice once again rang out through the sky. "Catch me if you can, Loonatics!" Oh by the way, Black Velvet was in a zeppelin. A big, dark-purple zeppelin. She was flying away through the clouds.

"Come on! We can't lose her now!" Ace yelled. So we all ran back to the ship/vehicle/flying thingy. "Time to pop this balloon!" Ace said as we took off and flew after the zeppelin. Hmm, is it possible to 'pop' a zeppelin? I don't think so. You'd need a pretty big pin.

So there we were, zooming after the zeppelin, when suddenly we couldn't see it any more. It had turned...wait for it...invisible! Tech said something about a cloaking device. Rev wasn't picking up anything either. Oh dear.

Suddenly, darkness descended on the ship. Once again, I couldn't see a thing. But I could _smell_. I could smell _cheese_.

"Who turned out the lights?" I asked. Suddenly we heard thuds, like someone being punched up. Then the darkness faded away, and so did the cheesy odour. Ace looked around. "Ehh, where did Tech go?" Indeed, Tech was missing. How sad.

I was rather annoyed. Tech had, obviously, been abducted by the weird shadow-y people. But how did they get into the ship? I'll tell you how. They opened the door and walked right in! This, people, is why we need to put locks on our doors! I have told Tech many times to put a lock on the ship's door, but he always says it is unnecessary! Now I can say "I told you so!"

Not only will locks keep out unwanted enemies, but it makes me feel safer. Also, a lot of famous celebrities' cars and ships/vehicles/flying thingies (such as Misty Breeze) have double or even _triple _locks, to keep out fan girls and boys.

But, back to the mission. We saw Tech being carried away in a big floating bubble! He was carried into the zeppelin. "Alright Loonatics," Ace said, "She's got something to learn! You take one, you take us all!" That's nice. It reassures me. Next time I'm captured, I'll remember that.

Rev said he was picking something up, and as we flew out of a cloud we saw the blimp up ahead. Suddenly three little ships flew out of the blimp and sped towards us. "Take evasive action!" Ace yelled. Hang on while I get a dictionary...

Evasive: to avoid something unpleasant, for example trouble or an attack.

Basically, running away. Or, in our case, _flying _away. Ace could have just yelled "Run away!" or "Fly away!" He didn't have to use that big long word. Maybe he's just trying to sound smart.

Anyway, we tried to lose those three little ships. But they kept following us. Eventually Ace realised that his plan wasn't working. "They leave us no other choice." He said. "Prepare for manoeuvre 180!" Ace turned the ship very fast and managed to end up _behind _the three little ships, so now _we _were chasing _them_... if that makes sense.

Slam pressed a button and three missiles launched from our ship/vehicle/flying thingy, and locked onto to the three little ships. However, this plan also failed to work. The little ships headed back to the zeppelin, but the missiles were still following them. The missiles were going to blow the whole zeppelin out of the sky. And Tech was on the zeppelin. Not good.

"We've got to stop those missiles _now_!" Ace said. Well duh! Ace always states the obvious. It irritates me.

"We've got to stop those missiles before they blow the zeppelin -and Tech- out of the sky!" Ace yelled, repeating himself. By this time I was thoroughly annoyed. We all got the point, Ace didn't need to keep explaining what we had to do.

Rev unstrapped his seat belt and flew out of the ship, to take out the first missile. "Here's my chance to rip on technology!" I said. "The next one's mine!" I quacked out of my seat and onto the side of the next missile. I ripped a sheet of metal off the side and looked in.

A mess of wires, plugs and sockets. To be honest, I had no idea what to do. I wanted to disarm the bomb, but if I pulled the wrong wire the whole thing might blow up in my face. I experimented with putting a few plugs into different sockets, but it didn't work. Ooh dear. Not good. Not good at all. Eep.

Nearby, I saw Rev taking out his missile and flying back to the ship. Lexi brain blasted the third missile.

I was very nervous now. I was babbling. "Insert tab B into flap C..." Suddenly our ship/vehicle/flying thingy came up underneath the missile. Ace was standing on the roof. He grabbed me and pulled me off the missile. "Hey!" I yelled. "I was just figuring out how to fly that thing!" Indeed, I'm sure that I could have figured out how to disarm that bomb, if I'd been given more time...a lot more time.

"A few more minutes and I would have been..." I trailed off as the missile blew up in the distance. "Roasted duck." Ace said, heading back inside. I followed him back in.

Ace looked through the ship's compartments and pulled out a big, _big _gun called the 'Ninjizer 500'. I wonder what the previous 499 versions were like. The ship's compartments also had night vision goggles. Well they weren't exactly goggle, more contact lens.

We flew up to Black Velvet's zeppelin (which was now visible, I don't know why. I think it suddenly became visible while I was trying to disarm the missile). Slam leapt up and pulled part of the zeppelin's wall off, making a big, big hole in the zeppelin. The zeppelin did not deflate or anything. That is because it is _not _a balloon! A zeppelin and a balloon are completely different things! And therefore, Ace's pathetic joke about 'popping the balloon' makes no sense whatsoever!

Anyway, we all jumped through the hole into the zeppelin, and inside it was completely dark. So, we activated our night vision goggles. The inside of the zeppelin was amazing. No seriously, it was. It was a huge, huge, _dark _city. The buildings were really tall. Maybe the zeppelin is bigger on the inside. That's so cool. The place also smelt distinctly cheesy.

By now, we had figured out Black Velvet's plan. Well I say 'we', but it was Ace who did most of the thinking. Black Velvet had stolen something called the 'Light Wave Eliminator'. She was going to use it to plunge Acmetropolis into _complete and utter DARKNESS! OH NOES!_

This is the part of the story where you make looney gestures and say, "The woman is clearly wacko! Why would she want to plunge Acmetropolis into darkness?" I'll tell you why! Because she's a torch saleswoman!

No, no, I'm joking (yes I know, very lame and pathetic joke). It's because when the meteor hit, her eyes were permanently scarred. She can no longer tolerate light. She has to live in darkness. That's why she concocted this evil plan, she wanted everyone to suffer like she did.

The others always think that I am self-obsessed and have no sense of empathy. But I _am _able to sympathize with Black Velvet. Poor girl. I guess it's not really fair that when the meteor hit, the six of us got really cool powers (mine being the coolest of all), but she just got permanently disfigured.

Anyway, Ace's plan was to pull a lever and 'reverse the polarity'. Hang on while I look this up in my dictionary...okay...reversing the polarity is basically making positives negative, and negatives positive. So that means making dark light, and light dark. So if you reversed the polarity of black, you would get white. If you reversed the polarity of a chicken, would it turn into an egg? Because a chicken is the opposite of an egg, isn't it? No wait, it's not, because an egg _is _a chicken, and therefore it cannot be the opposite...if that makes sense. Argh, I'm confusing myself!!! So what _would _happen if you reversed the polarity of a chicken? I'll ask Tech later.

Anyway, Lexi went to find the reversing-polarity lever. Slam and Rev went to help fight off the shadow-y people. And Ace and I went to find and rescue Tech.

We wandered through the dark city and came across a wall. Ace used the Ninjizer to cut a hole in it. I personally don't see the point of this 'Ninjizer' thing. Ace could easily have used his laser vision to make the hole! Oh well. What's done is done.

We jumped through the hole and came into a sort of laboratory. Tech was in there, typing away at a keypad. His eyes were a strange milky-blue colour. When Ace spoke to him, he didn't respond, just ignored us. "He's not answering." I said, stating the obvious. "Tech only answers to me now!" Black Velvet said from behind us. "You boys are just in time to watch us usher in the Dark Ages!"

She opened her cape and all this electric stuff came out and flew towards us. Ace combated it with his laser vision.

Did I forget to mention that Black Velvet has a robotic arm? I think I forgot. Well, she has one, and she fired big bolts of green energy stuff at us. But, we dodged. Yay for us.

Ace fell onto his side and fired the Ninjizer at her. She drew her cape around her. The blasts from the Ninjizer rebounded off her cape. She fired her robotic arm at us again, and the bolt hit me. I was instantly enveloped in a big bubble of gloopy stuff. More of the weird shadow men came running towards us. Ace told me to deal with them while he battled Black Velvet. "Righty-o Ace!" said I. I ran the bubble towards them and knocked them all over. I then used a fire egg to burst out of the bubble.

"Miss Velvet, your shroudcaster is ready." Tech said in a monotonous voice. Black Velvet smirked. "Why thank you baby." She said.

"Tech no!" Ace yelled. Black Velvet fired her robotic arm at him and one of the bolts hit him. He became wrapped up in weird, shiny green ropes. Black Velvet told Tech to activate the shroudcaster. He was just about to press the button when...

"WAIT! I can wake him!" I yelled. I pulled out my cell phone and played the ringtone that annoyed Tech earlier today. He cringed and said, "That annoying phone!" He was now out of his state of hypnosis, thanks to _me_! Yes, _me_! _I _am the hero! _I _saved the day! I am the ultimate! The superior! The one and only...DANGER DUCK!

Tech used the Ninjizer to break the ropes holding Ace.

"Too late!" Black Velvet said, leaping over to the keypad. "Darkness was my curse! Now it will be yours, Loonatics!" She pressed the button and the machine activated with much whirring, beeping and electricity crackling everywhere.

But then Lexi pulled the lever that reversed the polarity, and the shroudcaster stopped working.

As I said before, reversing the polarity will make dark light, and light dark. The zeppelin was dark inside, and now the polarity had been reversed, the zeppelin lit up.

"MY CITY OF DARKNESS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Black Velvet yelled, then she vanished in a flash of light...weird.

The three of us ran back to the ship, Lexi, Rev and Slam joining us on the way.

We made a daring escape in the nick of time, just before the zeppelin blew up.

Back at HQ, I was waiting for Tech to come up and thank me for saving him. But instead, he came up behind me, wearing a _robin's-egg blue cape, _and _matching boots, _size _thirteen wide_!!! He told me he went ahead and ordered them. "Nice, huh?" he asked. "They're sending you the bill."

I was speechless. Utterly speechless. Dumbstruck. Horrified. _Confused_. "But...those are _mine_!!! You were suppose to buy those for _me_!" "Ehh, you used your phone, Duck." Ace said.

I can't believe it. I _lost the bet _because I used my phone to save _Tech_???!!! That's blatantly unfair! I only used the technology to break Tech out of the hypnotism! If I hadn't, he'd still be wandering around with creepy white eyes, performing evil deeds for that Black Velvet woman. NOT FAIR! _NOT FAIR _I TELL YOU!!!

To make matters worse, Zadavia appeared, congratulated us on our success, told us the shroudcaster had been disabled, then said, "Oh my Tech. Don't you look _heroic_."

AARGH! _I _am the heroic one! Me _me _ME! _I _saved Tech! She should be impressed with _me_!

I was not impressed. Once Zadavia left, Lexi said, "Maybe you could call her back on your cell phone." "If you can get a signal." Ace added. Grrr, I was unamused. They're all despicable!

So then I went and got my diary, and wrote down everything that happened. And that is where I am now.

It's Christmas Eve tomorrow! I can't wait! I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!

We still haven't put up our Christmas tree...we keep putting it off. I guess we'll be putting it up tomorrow.

Lexi's finished clipping her monstrous toenails. Now she's picking up the nail clippings and putting them in the bin.

Ahh, I'm tired. I think I'll go have a bath.

Write in you later,

Danger Duck.

_Next up- Putting up the Christmas tree, and Duck spends some time in Tech's lab!_

_Sorry if Duck was a little OOC in this._

_I will try and update soon :-)  
_


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